cluelessgroom.com

Peter van Dijk has the largest portfolio in the advertising industry. It's bigger than those of all the guys who have swanker offices, drive nicer cars and spend smaller portions of their day playing video games. While difficult to confirm, Mr. van Dijk's portfolio may well be the largest in the history of advertising, out-sizing industry giants like Bill Bernbach and David Ogilvy. It's that big.

Mr. van Dijk and his splendid portfolio have enjoyed a seventeen year romp down Madison Avenue. He has worked for a number of the largest and most sophisticated marketing organizations in the known universe, and has left them wanting more. He owns no less that four suits, none of which came with more than a single pair of trousers. It has been a while since he counted, but he also owns at least thirty ties, and has an uncanny understanding of which ties go with which suits. This guy is a pro.

Mr. van Dijk lives with his wife Suki and two children who Suki swears are really, really his: Molly, age seven, and Jake, age six. He actively encourages his children to plant plastic bugs in his wife's underwear drawer and to pursue a host of other educational activities. They are smart children and have not only found ingenious and inventive new hiding places for the plastic bugs, but have also begun to hide a large assortment of plastic reptiles and rodents.

A former Miss Nude Temple Beth El, Suki Hamburger (no kidding) van Dijk is living proof that there is a good woman behind many screw-ups as well. A charming and gracious little homemaker, she is likely to hit her husband in the head with a fry pan as soon as she reads this sentence.

Mr. van Dijk's authoring of the Clueless Groom's Guide was done against both his better judgement and his will. He lost a bar bet insisting that Frampton Comes Alive outsold Michael Jackson's Thriller on a per capita basis. (Given the smaller population of the country at the time, you know?) He either had to read "It takes a Village" cover-to-cover, or spend over two thousand scantily paid hours writing The Clueless Groom's Guide. He chose the latter, and is glad he did since he now has great expectations of someday writing the sequel, "The Hopeless Groom's Guide." As is their custom, McGraw-Hill intends to pay the advance in back issues of Business Week Magazine (elite edition) and remainder copies of "Keynsian Economists Gone Wild!"

Taylor Lee began drawing at an early age. A glimpse of his future career path was seen in a second grade essay entitled "A Letter From My 40 Year-Old Self" where he wrote
"I am now a cartoonist living in Italy."

He began his official cartooning career with a weekly strip for his college newspaper "The Alfred Reporter". It was there that his duck/​human character "Beak Man" first appeared. After graduation, he was off to California to work for Tower Records doing advertising and illustration. He created such memorable campaigns as "The Musical Madness Sale!" and "Record Blowout Bonanza!" He illustrated articles such as the "Death of Album Oriented Radio" and "Musical Trivia" for Tower Records’ PULSE Magazine. While in California he created the animated short "The Adventures of Beak Man", shown as part of the UC Davis Graduate Art Series. Life in California was good but Taylor missed his native East Coast. Once back in New York he did advertising and editorial cartoons for such clients as Primestar Satellite TV, Domino Sugar, Ice Hockey in Harlem, The Neckware Association of America, American Management Magazine, and BQE Pet Food & Grooming. He also exhibited paintings at the Art in General Gallery in New York City.

Taylor continues to work as an illustrator and some of his current clients include the Brookline Animal Hospital and Independence Community Bank. He is currently working on a series of children’s books. He lives in Larchmont NY with his wife and two daughters. Visitors to Larchmont can view his work "Pig and Pancakes" which hangs prominently in his daughter’s room. As of this date, he has not yet been to Italy.