cluelessgroom.com

As in comedy, curveball hitting and life in general, a proposal of marriage is all about timing… and blood alcohol levels. When you do it, and how sober you are at the time, are far more important than the words, the setting or the heavy equipment you’ve rented for the occasion. You only get so many shots at this, so you want to be pretty sure you are striking while the iron is hot.

So how do you know the time is right? Chances are that someone will just tell you. Chances are even better that someone will be your current girlfriend. She may say it indirectly. She may say it straight out. She may even couch it in a terrorist threat. One way or another, however, she will tell you when it’s time to pony up. Once she does, the clock is running, my friend, like Carl Lewis on a triple-strength dose of Benzedrine. If you don’t pop the question before the buzzer sounds, you will only be left with two options:
1) Lose the girl.
2) Suffer the ignoble humiliation of succumbing to a flat out demand.
Either way, you have lost the element of surprise, permanently surrendering the upper hand in this relationship. It’s either over, or severely crippled, because no one wants to start out a life of marital commitment because their girlfriend made them do it.

On the other hand, there are dire consequences to proposing too early. Public humiliation is a very real possibility. As are Hamletesque heartbreak and/or a near-fatal haymaker to the self-esteem. More importantly, you stand the risk of ruining a perfectly fun relationship by getting all serious too soon. Believe me, no self-respecting gent wants to go there. Can you imagine James Bond getting down on one knee and flashing the ice only to have the girl say, "I don’t know James."? Let me think about it for a while."

I think not.

The answer we’re going to be looking for here is, "Yes." Preferably, "Yes. Yes. Yes, baby. Yes, baby. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. "